When you’re all that’s left

So I forgot to actually post this last week, so you get two posts this week.

WARNING: This post might contain emo material. If you find you are allergic to feelings I suggest you watch The Expendables and adopt Mulan’s mantra, “Be a man!”

 

The people in your life should build you up. Period. However, there’s all too many who decide that building others up just opens ourselves to judgement and attack, it’s WAAAY better to get them before they get me.

These are the lonely.

These are the brokenhearted.

And it’s the greatest irony! That those who most NEED contact are the ones who push it away.

“I don’t NEED anything. I’m tough. I’m a lone wolf. Those that need other people are weaklings and sheep.” <- One perspective.

My perspective in this was, “What do I say? There’s nothing I can do. If I do anything something will happen and I’ll be punished. People are scary. I don’t want to be vulnerable.”

Again, LONELY, and if you think like I do you end up not having any genuine relationships.

Back to that idea of people building you up.

We choose the devil we know over the one we don’t. Even if that devil is killing who we are. It’s almost as if we’d rather know we’re dying and than risk someone else killing us. Even though it’s really the same thing.

So how do you move on? How do you find people that do build you up? It’s hard. Even if you have an awesome support system, but especially if you’re in that part where you hide from people knowing the real you. You justify this by saying that you know the real you and it’s not so great.

I am ashamed to need help.

I crave it, and yet I’m ashamed. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?! That’s so frustrating!

TRUTH: You shouldn’t be ashamed of the things you truly need.  And if you are? You’ve been around the wrong kind of people.

This is a subject full of complex emotions and feelings.

Insecurity, Doubt, and Comparison

I have long struggled with insecurity.  I doubt myself on a daily basis and I compare myself with anyone who shares a trait with me.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I’m sure you’ve read or heard that somewhere, but how do you stop doing something that is so vital to our “success” within society? You have to be better than the other job applicants. You have to have better content to read to generate more followers. You have to have a better body than other girls to get the “cute” boy (regardless that he’s a douchebag).

Our social perceptions are based on comparison. So I compare myself. I don’t think I’m good enough. I’m sure you can relate. That feeling of inadequacy based on the fallacy, “if I was better then (blank) would happen.”

My brother brought to my attention just how rosy we look at other people. He was trying to encourage me not to be so insecure by expressing his own envy, but he didn’t see what I went through to get there.

Here’s what he said to me. “You have a job in your field. I’m just a car salesman.”

The cost for having a job in my field? I lived below the poverty line for 6 months while looking for jobs. I lived on government assistance because I couldn’t afford food. I couldn’t get a job at the grocery store because I was overqualified and they’d have to pay me more. I lived around drugs and violence because my other option was a house full of mold, and at least I could close myself off from the drugs and violence in a private room. You can’t escape mold spores in that amount. Oh, and I was pregnant at the time.

So I might have a job in my field, but I don’t think my brother has ever really known hardship. I would give up the job in my field if it meant that I could’ve avoided that period of my life. Yes, it gave me perspective, but that’s not how I would have chosen to be pregnant.

Mind you, my peers all found jobs before leaving college. So there’s that comparison again… What’s so wrong with me that no one wants me? I constantly set myself up for failure (based on comparison of results real or perceived), because my achievements are never enough. And we’re spoken to in such a way that supports this perception.

So my challenge, how can we inspire others to keep from despair of self-perception? How can we keep ourselves from despair of self-perception? 

I would love to see what you have to say!

Status

So I’ve been thinking alot about status symbols lately. About what it means to have, or have not.

How many friends do you have?

How nice does your house look?

How new are your clothes?

All of these seem to be measure of status and value.  You can prove you’re significant by having over a million followers. You can prove your value by having a well-decorated house full of nice things. You can prove that you’re “together” by how nice your clothes are.

But what if you couldn’t? What if the only value you had was what was on the inside and the rest was just a form of propaganda?

What fears do we have that say that we need to have this or else “lose ourselves?”

I’ve identified a need for self-importance. We have this inherent need to PROVE our value.

“I don’t have to prove myself to anybody!” Attitude, attitude, rant rant.

Yes. I get it, but I don’t think you do. Why do some look to others’ opinions of them? Because they have to prove it to THEMSELVES.  This isn’t about other people, or how other people view us. It’s about how we view ourselves.

I’m sure there are plenty that have already reached this conclusion. If that’s the case, Cheers! And you may now skip to the dancing lobsters. But this is something that I still have trouble wrapping my head around.

Why is it so important that I prove to myself my self-importance? Why is it so important that I’m important by society’s values? Our mind automatically goes to the opposite. Insignificant.  WRONG!

If you don’t have 1 million followers it still matters what you have to say.

If your house isn’t nicely decorated it doesn’t mean you’re deficit.

If you aren’t wearing the newest, trendiest thing it doesn’t mean that you don’t have your shit together.

All it means is that you have different priorities.

BAM! This message of Truth is brought to you by Wisdom, a proud supporter of Hard-Earned Experience.

It’s not about valuing someone else’s priorities. It’s about learning to value yours.

Bring out the dancing lobsters.

 

Choices

Your life is a direct result of the choices you make.

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that, but it doesn’t click until you make a choice (like whether or not to call someone back) and you see the direct result of that choice.

Not some rationalized wishy washy, “well.. it could be this..” No. A decisive, WOW! I feel a helluva lot better about myself and respect myself a lot more.

Take that insecurities. You ARE worth it and you’re worth being respected and loved for exactly who you are. Not who someone else thinks/wants you to be.

Rant. Rant. Rant.

No, but seriously. I’ve seen this in my friend’s lives and was too much of a coward to take the steps necessary in my own. You CAN live the life you want. I know.. You keep hearing that and you think, NO! I can NEVER be an astronaut stop telling me I can!

Let me just put something in perspective. The life you want should be one where you are respected and encouraged. Yes, there will be hardships. And yes, you are not always going to be right. BUT! There is a way to show you that without having to tear you down and make you feel like sh*t.

Jus’ sayin’. Don’t settle for less because you think you deserve it. No one deserves anything. The only thing we deserve is respect just for being alive and having to put up with the bullsh*t that everyday brings.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.