I need sunshine – A look at self-worth

I need sunshine – and wind – and water – and movement. These things keep me in the moment and present in my body. Which is essential when I experience the following.

My life is full of this aching discomfort at being vulnerable, of reaching out to people and being rejected or ignored. Being ignored hurts worse, by the way. It’s reinforcing the insecurity that whatever I am, I am not enough – for if I was, then I would be worth a response.

Which isn’t the case at all, and it’s a bold-faced lie.

am enough. There will be those who don’t see my value, and/or don’t have the capacity for that which I offer.

And that’s okay.

How hard is that to say?

Really effing hard!!

I want to scream and writhe on the floor in embarrassment for putting myself out there in the first place, or for holding on hope (for that’s what it is… Or insanity, depends on how you look at it) that this person (whomever it is) would care enough about me to reach back out to me. Whether it be a business contact, a personal friend, or even a family member.

Then I start into the, “If they cared enough about me… if I was worth enough to them. Clearly I’m not worth anything or they would’ve reached out to me. Clearly – clearly.”

Clearly, whomever had bigger problems going on in their life and this whole situation probably isn’t about me. It’s probably bad timing and a general dissonance between my expectations and what they’re capable of.

But that doesn’t reflect my worth. My worth cannot be defined by these interactions. My worth is an entire lifetime of experiences. How can you put an entire lifetime into a single text or email?

You can’t. Which is one of the many reasons it’s bogus and a lie.

TL;DR Your worth is defined by your lifetime, not a singular experience. And the movement of sunshine and nature helps to keep these things in perspective for me. 

When have you struggled with self-worth? What did you do? Would love to hear from you in the comments!

F@$& the world – what to do when you’re angry and frustrated at Everything

Ever scream at the world?

Angry, hurt, frustrated. You scream until your face turns blue then you realize your actually screaming at the world inside you. The face in the mirror that you feel like you can’t escape.

It taunts you. It haunts you. It constantly disappoints. It shows you just how far you are from your ideal, and putting on that fake happy face to try to seize the day kills you a little more each time.

Depressed? Who says?! You’re just not enough, because if you were you wouldn’t feel this way and you’d be able to satisfy the people closest to you.

All of this is a lie you are believing. You are telling yourself and believing in a lie.

Now listen to the little voice, the one that’s been silenced by insecurities for way too long. What does it have to say?

You don’t have to be “more.” You are being prepared for the next step. Take courage and wait.

Pretty powerful words if you let them sink in.

Don’t be discouraged from discovering truth. “The truth shall set you free.” Funny part is that it’s freedom from you. Your insecurities. Oh, and the bullshit you “put up with” everyday.

I hope you find inspiration to listen to that little voice. Coming from someone on the other side, so to speak, it’s worth it.

What Peace Looks Like

There are many parts to having peace and being a “peaceful” human being. I’m only going to look at two. I’d love to see what you would add to the list in the comments!

First, maturity.

“Act like an adult.”

“Act your age not your shoe size.”

“Grow up.”

I believe we’ve all heard these at one point on our journey to our “adult” lives. Well.. maybe not the middle one, that seems to be a 90’s thing. Anywho! These are most often said in an argument or disagreement when the other party feels that our behavior is “beneath” them, or immature.

So stemmed my next question. What does maturity look like?

My first thought was that it comes with age… I was proved wrong.

 

So I looked a little closer. “Why would maturity come with age? More importantly, why would I think that?” Ah ha! Because with age comes experiences and it’s in those experiences that we gain understanding and training.

Training for what? See the picture below.

It takes a great amount of self-discipline not to retaliate. Something I’m apparently not so good at.. (-.-‘) I emboldened the two words above because I feel that’s the main part of “maturity” that helps us to become peaceful, understanding and training (self-discipline). 

 

Second, happiness is not why we’re here.

“uh.. What?? Wait, I’m sorry. Did you just say what I think you said?! Mmm, gurrrrrl, you crazy!” That’s you. Right now. Or at least that was me when I first heard this.

So let’s give it some thought and we’ll see where it leads.

Happiness is not why we’re here.

“Why do you say that?”

Oh.. So you think we’re here on earth so that you can get that next video game? Or maybe that new furniture set? Or that new pair of shoes? Or maybe that new car! Because these are all things that lead to “happiness.”

So you get that video game/furniture set/pair of shoes/new car… Now what? Are you happy? For how long until you see something else you NEED for “happiness?”

Yeah.. That’s what I thought. We as humans can spend YEARS chasing after these things. I am just as guilty. I think.. “I just need to make my home a place where I feel comfortable, then I’ll be happy!” Yeah, no. My home is comfortable, still don’t have that “happy” sense of wellbeing.

If we’re always chasing that “happy” feeling, how can there be peace? How can there be peace if there’s no rest? I’m not talking about physically, I’m talking internally, emotionally.

How can there be peace if you can’t just stop and be you because you NEED “happy?”

We were put here to help and to glorify. 

Have you noticed that the people who help others are some of the most fulfilled, and happy people you’ve ever met?

You help and you do what you’re passionate about, and happiness follows. It’s that simple.

Making a difference makes a difference in you. It glorifies the higher being you believe in by acting out their values. Which makes that happiness even deeper.

That’s a much longer lasting happiness. It’s a lot more stable and a lot more peaceful. 

Amazing isn’t it? how understanding, training and helping others can bring you peace? 

What else do you think brings you peace?? Share it below or tweet it. I’d love to see what suggestions we can give each other!

“If we all spread a little light, imagine how bright a world it would be.” 

 

Emotions that possess you

So let’s start with a big one..

FEAR

It’s even a four-letter word. It’s paralyzing and overrides all other senses. It’s about being afraid.

Afraid

Definition: (Adj.) 1. Feeling fear or anxiety: frightened 2. Worried something undesirable will occur

Well, when you put it like that it seems that I am afraid everyday! Worried something undesirable will occur. Can you tell me who is not afraid? Pride would say, “I’m NEVER afraid!” I retort back, “Then you’re lying, and even if you’re not afraid you’re a liar. Which is worse.”

Please also notice that it’s an adjective. You don’t possess it. It possesses you.

Scarily, this is not the only emotion that does this! “Stress, worry, vanity, etc.”

So what do I do?

Courage

Definition: (Noun) 1. The ability to do something that frightens one 2. Strength in the face of pain or grief

Conquer the negative! The ability to do something that frightens one. You are able! You just have to make the choice. It’s that simple. It’s a choice.

He was afraid but had courage. Notice the word choice? Fear possessed him, but he conquered it by possessing courage. Why is this so profound that we need to be told over and over? Because fear is paralyzing. It paralyzes our mind too and it needs that outside pull.

Don’t be paralyzed! CONQUER!

5 Points to Live By

So I know there are a whole bunch of these out there, but these are the ones in particular that apply to me.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot for a few reasons. Before my current job I tried to operate as an independent marketing consultant, and did an awful job. There was a lot of potential there, I just didn’t know how to tap into that. Hindsight and all that.

So between the “what did I learn” and the current venture I have come up with the following.

  1. Make rules for yourself
  2. Be aggressive with what you want
  3. Have a flippin’ sense of humour!
  4. If you’re going to offer something, be sure you have everything in place to make it happen when a request comes in. If you’re not sure if you do, then the answer is ‘No’ and you need more time.
  5. Consistency and courage

1. Whether it’s, “I will respond to all emails/requests within 24 hours,” or “today I will contact 10 people” it doesn’t matter! What matters is that you think it’s important enough to make a rule out of, then FOLLOW it. Follow through is as important as innovation.

2. First, you have to decided if you really want it. The way I find myself deciding that is, “Is it important enough for me to fight for it?” If the answers ‘No, not really..’ I move on. No hard feelings, no guilt. Life’s too short to waste it on a wild good chase that doesn’t make you happy.

3. People are a lot more willing to help you if you’re able to relate to them and make them laugh. This is a fact of life. Besides, who would you rather talk to?

Debbie Downer?

Or

Happy cat?

(Assuming Happy Cat could talk)

4. I think that’s pretty self explanatory. You don’t want to be caught with your pants down, so to speak.

And 5. – It’s really scary trying new things, and sometimes just getting on with something that’s relatively unknown(like an outcome).

I get fear paralysis really bad and have to talk to myself for 15 minutes before I can try something new, which of course makes everyone else just fear me. 😛 But buck-up buttercup! It does get easier, and being consistent helps you to establish a reputation for yourself. For WHAT in particular is up to you.

So get out there you, tiger, you! And good luck!

Early Morning

So.. I was thinking of ways to get my day started that jump starts my system, or puts me in the right frame of mind.  Here are just a couple of ideas I developed. All of which I think I’m going to do today. 😛

  • Write yourself an encouraging note and put it in your pocket. Oftentimes we’re our own harshest critic. Give yourself some leeway and a boost for when you’re beating yourself up for the latest mistake.
 
  • Write a poem. This opens your mind to something you might be repressing or maybe it’s just a way to think outside the box.

My poem this morning: Gentle, soft lover, fast asleep, You wriggle the toes on your miniature feet, a sweet scent of powder and youth, Warm and tender, no cries yet to soothe, I’ll remember this time when you’re old and stubborn, my sleeping prince, my gentle, soft lover. 

  • Stretch. There’s nothing like stretching to help wake you up and help your body feel good. It gets the blood pumping and helps tone all those muscles you may or may not use today.
 
  • Say “Thank You.” It’s along the same lines as be grateful. Every time you start a new activity (showering, starting the coffee, getting dressed, etc.) say “Thank You” to whatever higher power you believe in. I feel stupid sometimes when I do it (“Thank you for the fruit that makes the jam on my toast..”) But it changes the way you look at things. Just remember. You don’t have to have jam for that toast! Which leads me to my next point..
 
  • Practice Positivity. I’ve caught myself in this. I get overwhelmed, stressed, or even just trying to commiserate, and I practice negativity. Then everything is negative and, goshdarnit, if there isn’t even a ray of sunshine for my sorry ass! SO. In order to counter this attack (because you’re silly if you don’t think you’re attacking yourself) I take a deep breath and look for positive things. Even if it’s just rolling on the floor with a dog (yes, this makes me happy). Stopping, getting out of your head, and practicing saying/doing something positive makes it that much easier to change your attitude and start doing something constructive with that energy instead of thinking of how sorry you/your life are/is. 

I think that’s a pretty good start. If you have anything that helps you in the morning I’d love to hear about it! Good luck with your day today, and may the force be with you.