China Doll With the Broken Face

Little china doll,
Once so gentle and peaceful
Now broken and shattered
To little sharp piece fell

But it wasn’t my fault
Don’t you see? don’t you see?!
You were in the wrong place
It must not be me

Little China doll
You now cut those who are close
For those pieces, now shattered
Gentle, peace can not boast
__________

I have gone through abusive relationships, and one in particular keeps revisiting me. This was written to help me cope.

Sometimes you write to share knowledge, and other times you write to share burdens.

I encourage all. Don’t hide your burdens. There is nothing so lonely. Share, so none have to feel the pain of feeling like you are going crazy for doing the “right thing.”

When you’re all that’s left

So I forgot to actually post this last week, so you get two posts this week.

WARNING: This post might contain emo material. If you find you are allergic to feelings I suggest you watch The Expendables and adopt Mulan’s mantra, “Be a man!”

 

The people in your life should build you up. Period. However, there’s all too many who decide that building others up just opens ourselves to judgement and attack, it’s WAAAY better to get them before they get me.

These are the lonely.

These are the brokenhearted.

And it’s the greatest irony! That those who most NEED contact are the ones who push it away.

“I don’t NEED anything. I’m tough. I’m a lone wolf. Those that need other people are weaklings and sheep.” <- One perspective.

My perspective in this was, “What do I say? There’s nothing I can do. If I do anything something will happen and I’ll be punished. People are scary. I don’t want to be vulnerable.”

Again, LONELY, and if you think like I do you end up not having any genuine relationships.

Back to that idea of people building you up.

We choose the devil we know over the one we don’t. Even if that devil is killing who we are. It’s almost as if we’d rather know we’re dying and than risk someone else killing us. Even though it’s really the same thing.

So how do you move on? How do you find people that do build you up? It’s hard. Even if you have an awesome support system, but especially if you’re in that part where you hide from people knowing the real you. You justify this by saying that you know the real you and it’s not so great.

I am ashamed to need help.

I crave it, and yet I’m ashamed. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?! That’s so frustrating!

TRUTH: You shouldn’t be ashamed of the things you truly need.  And if you are? You’ve been around the wrong kind of people.

This is a subject full of complex emotions and feelings.